Magickal Name -- A Spiritual Quest

I am William. Billy for short.

Long ago, when the World was Young, I went on a Spiritual Quest to discover my True Name and my Magickal Powers. It unfolded thus.

I first Journeyed to the Astral Plane in order to seek Counsel from my Spirit Guide, the Mighty Sewer Rat, Bob the Pungent. We spoke of many Things -- Shoes and Ships, and Sealing Wax, of Cabbages and Kings -- until finally, I was sent Forth.

On my Journey to the Other Realms, I came upon the Wise Witch, Brunhilda Perdita Josephine Tomasina Edwina Geraldine Gertrude of the Small Pointless Cottage In the Forest by the Lake on the Mountain Next to the Skyscraper to the Right of the Castle of the Wizard of Oz. I came upon her only to find that she knew, using her Magickal Knowledge, about my Quest.

"Welcome, Traveler," she thus spake, letting me into the Cottage.

"Many thanks, Wise Witch, for your Hospitality," I answered, taking a seat and eating a Crumpet.

"You are on a Spiritual Quest, I see."

"Yes, actually. Can you helpeth me?"

"Indeed, Young One. You may find That Which You Seek by first Chasing the Dominoes until it can no longer be Chasedeth, then Slaying the Plate of Various Cheeses, and then Following the Sewer's Path until ye reacheth the Hole."

"Many thanks. Blessed Be," I replied in accordance with the Way of the Witch as I left to seek my Name and Powers.

Finally, after much Soul Searching, I Chased the Dominoes, Slew the Cheese, and Found the Hidden Path of the Sewers. I followed it until I became Hopelessly Lost. I was sure I was going to be stuck in the Astral Plane for All Eternity, but suddenly, a voice called to me.

"Over Here," it whispered.


"Here," was the reply. The voice, whom I now know to be my Spirit Guide, Bob the Pungent, continued to lead me Over There until I reached the Hole.

"Look Inside, my Child...." He whispered in my ear, which was quite an experience, since I normally view Meditations like a mini-movie, so having my Guide speak in actual words was Something Else.

I then looked inside the Hole, only to find Bob's Mighty Gift to me: The Completely Ordinary Rope of No Significance Whatsoever. I gasped in Awe, and then I heard what was to be my Name, spoken by the Gods, all of Them at once.

They said, "Go now, O Child of Ours, thou shalt henceforth be known as Billy, Chaser of Dominoes, Slayer of Cheese."

And at last I, Chaser of Dominoes, Slayer of Cheese, awoke from my Spiritual Journey, Joyous and Enlightened, with the Knowledge of my Magickal Name, and the Mighty Gift in my hand -- that is, the Odrinary Rope of No Significance Whatsoever, which I have since used many-a-time in order to Defend myself from my Enemies.


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August 3, 2004